get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
