I think my vagina is haunted
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Randomize
