I think im going to throw up on grandma
home. puking in laundry basket.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
