He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just pee around me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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