I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize