You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
