The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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