I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
