did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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