just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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