I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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