I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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