no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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