Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
