She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize