winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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