How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
