I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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