If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
