Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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