i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
