why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
