I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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