There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
