I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
