Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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