now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
