She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
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