you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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