dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
honey bunches of taint.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
