found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
