Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
