If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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