dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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