i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
