I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
