Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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