yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
