Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
