I'm lost and stupid without you.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
