I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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