smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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