Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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