So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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