I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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