We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
