I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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