I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
