Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
