belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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