i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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