Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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