Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
