finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
