I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
