you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
