You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
