you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
