He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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