you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You took a bar mat shot.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
