people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
