id be glad to
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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